Well it's about time! I haven't posted a new blog since January and that's simply not acceptable! There is just so much to report. The last two months have been filled with achieving goals, struggling with old demons, and embracing new opportunities.
Let's start with the goals achieved.
I celebrated my 29th birthday early by participating in the Cowtown Half-Marathon in Fort Worth, Texas on Saturday, February 27. I've run a half-marathon several times on my own--just me and the South Highland streets while the rest of Shreveport sleeps--but this was different. 25,000 people descended upon downtown Fort Worth to run (everything from a 1/2 mile fun run to an Ultra-Marathon). It was electric! To be a part of such a large gathering for such a positive purpose is indescribable! I fell in line with the 2-1/2 hour pace group but actually finished in 2 hours, 9 minutes, and 43 seconds--shattering my expectations for myself!
Because of that great experience, I've decided to push the envelope a bit and train for a full marathon being held in Dallas on April 11. As a result, I have set two new personal distance records in the past two weeks--running 16 miles on Sunday, March 7th and 18 miles just one week later. I will attempt 20 miles this coming weekend after which I will taper off for a few weeks in anticipation of the 26.2 that looms a mere 24 days from today.
As you can see from the title of this posting, I have also managed to lose another 7 pounds over the past 2 months. This brings me within 4.8 pounds of "onederland" and has also meant the difference between 32" jeans and the 30" pair that I need (but have yet to buy).
It has indeed been a good couple of months.
But it has not been without struggle. Sometime within the next week or so, I will be entering a Weight Watchers contest in which they are seeking positive role models. The winner of this contest will be brought to New York for a week, given $500 to wander around the city with, and land on the cover of Weight Watchers magazine. All that is required to enter is a 400 word essay explaining how I've been a positive role model for others along my journey.
As I was reading over this blog in search of inspiration for that essay it occured to me that I have not been a good role model in at least one regard--I've shared all of my glory with you but none of my defeats. A truly good role model exhibits both. A good role model not only gives inspiration that leads to victory but also a context for dealing with defeat. Over the last 15 months I have experienced tremendous amounts of victory. Over the past 2 months I have wallowed in defeat.
That defeat has come in the form of binge eating. It has happened on several occasions (to be honest, I've lost count as to how many times it has occured). It has most often happened at the end of a busy day and usually when Jacqui is not home. I'm tired, I'm alone and I eat...A LOT.
Some reading this will wonder what the big deal is--after all, I've still lost weight these past two months! Why worry about over-eating if the number on the scale continues to go down!??!?!?
That is not the issue. The title of this blog is "No Longer That Guy". "That Guy"--the one that I no longer want to be--had a very unhealthy relationship to food. That's putting it nicely. To be honest, "that guy"...THIS guy...was/is an addict. In my pride I had forgotten that reality and as a result, I fell.
I have to admit my problem. For 13 months I have been reversing 27 years of living to eat by learning to eat to live. For the past 2 months (at least on several occasions during the past two months) I have been reversing that progress in an attempt to use food to accomplish things that food was never intended to accomplish--comfort, stress relief, a cure for boredom, etc...
Excuses have abounded--"I'm too busy to shop for the right foods"..."I'm too busy to prepare the right foods"..."it's time to celebrate my accomplishments"..."everyone else gets to eat whatever they want"...
I have even gone as far as blaming others to a certain degree, even if just passively (i.e. not wanting to put others out by demanding we go out to eat at a place that is more Weight Watchers friendly). But I am the only one who controls me--no one and no thing else will have to answer for the decisions I make in any given situation. So the excuses stop here.
To be strong is to know how I am weak. Having named my weakness in such a public forum, I am confident that I will not continue to wrestle with the same demons for long. Once exposed, these things that seem so powerful in the dark tend to whimper away in the light. I will be successful. I will excel.
I have to because of the new opportunities at hand. Most of you know but for those who do not, I'm going to be a daddy in just 4 short months! He's not even here yet and my heart is overflowing with love and excitement for our baby boy. If I don't take care of me, I will be shortchanging Logan. In the past, this would have been perfectly acceptable to me. But that was the old me, I'm no longer that guy.
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