(December 13, 2008--393.2 pounds)I had intended to write this on April 24, 2011...you know, so it would be exactly one year since my last post. The hope was to make my hiatus from blogging seem more intentional than it actually was but April 24 came and went without an e-peep from me. So here we are one year and 8 days later--duh, duh, duh, duuuhhhhh....
A lot has happened in my time away...an awful lot. The most significant, of course, is that my son was born on June 28, 2010. He is the best part of me. He is the best part of his mamma. Better than that, he is the best part of us. He is all kinds of wonderful. And with his arrival, my life has changed in all kinds of ways.
If you read any of my older posts, you'll begin to pick up on the fact that I am a firm believer in discipline. It is impossible to do anything of any value without it. Thinking that positive changes will happen in your life without a little hard work and dedication is, at best, a pipe dream...at worst, a sad reality for most people. Anybody can start a diet on Monday morning. It's what you do on Tuesday...and Wednesday...etc...etc...etc...that counts.
All of the weight I lost melted away due to my strict adherence to a way of life that was built around a specific schedule. This schedule included not only what I would eat and when but when I would work out as well. At the time Logan was born, I was still running fairly long distances which would mean I was leaving the house around 4:30 in the morning and returning home around 6, just in time to get ready for work.
I was able to maintain this schedule for a number of months after he arrived--particularly throughout the time that Jacqui was on maternity leave. But when Jacqui returned to work around the end of the summer, I simply could not keep this schedule up in good conscience. It was not right for me to be away so often for so long without doing my part for my wife and my baby boy.
Around the end of September, I stopped running altogether. I would wake up early with Logan so that Jacqui could sleep because, more often than not, she was the one who would get up with him throughout the night. So I'd rock him...sing to him...play with him...read to him...oh yeah, and I ate too. I ate a lot. Boy, oh, boy did I eat! Mercy.
After all of that rocking and singing and playing and reading, Logan would usually fall back to sleep. But I was wide awake. And with nothing to do but sit with a sleeping baby and having had no exercise to energize my body or curb my appetite, I opened the floodgate to bad decisions. Please understand, my old demons did not just return for a visit from time to time, by the middle of October, they had moved back in to stay.
Looking back, it boggles my mind how much I was able to eat during that time. I would eat before leaving for work, stop somewhere on my way to the office to grab another breakfast and a snack, gobble all of that down before anyone else arrived, I'd hit a local convenience store on my way out to see patients and then grab my lunch and another afternoon snack before returning to work. On my way home, I would stop at a grocery store and buy ice cream and cookies--all of which would be finished off either before bed that night or, at the very least, along with my breakfast the next morning. And the cycle continued day after day after day after day.
I cannot say with any certainty just how much weight I gained between October 1 and January 1. After all, the weight listed in my previous post was just after running a marathon. I know I was heavier than that by the time this insanity started. So I cannot be sure how much I gained. I know it was a lot. When I weighed myself in early January, I learned that I was back up to 300 pounds. 300 pounds. 300. Pounds.
In retrospect, what I find most shocking about that discovery is that it did nothing to me. I was numb to the fact that I was back in the 300s and did not decide to change anything for another couple of weeks. And I cannot tell you why or how but on January 14, 2011 I woke up. Enough was enough. It was time for a change.
I realized that morning that I had initially viewed caring for Logan in the morning as an inconvenience. I had later embraced it as an excuse. Neither of these is acceptable because (a) he is the greatest gift I have ever received and (b) he doesn't deserve that kind of pressure. So I came up with a plan that morning that I have been following ever since:
1.) I figured out a way that would allow me to exercise in the morning before work while at the same time caring for Logan 4 out of 7 mornings a week.
2.) I began preparing all of my breakfasts, snacks, and lunches for the week on either Saturday or Sunday afternoon. I had been doing this on the morning of the day I was going to eat the food but have found it to be a better use of my time if I get it all together at once. This gives me more time for either working out or caring for Logan in the mornings.
3.) I immediately began setting short-term fitness goals. My first goal was to begin taking the stairs at work again (we are on the 7th floor of our building) no later than February 1st. I achieved that goal early. My next was to begin running again. At first I could only run about 1/4 of a mile. My last run was 6 miles. Short term fitness goals are the key to long term fitness success. If you say you can't, I say you haven't tried intelligently.
With these things in place (not to mention the support of my lovely bride) I have turned this thing around.
You'll notice, however, that I do not have a current weight listed or a current picture shown. The reason for that is because I'm not spending a lot of time on the scales anymore. I love Weight Watchers. I need you to know that. If you want to lose weight and be healthier, Weight Watchers is the best way to reach those goals. But I've come to grips with the fact that my problems go much deeper than simply eating too much. My problems are more compulsive in nature and compulsively checking my weight on a scale is simply trading one compulsion for another.
So, since January 14 I have stood on a scale about once every month-and-a-half. And the last time I stood on the scale (about 2 weeks ago) I weighed in at 245 pounds. So, all I know is that I've lost at least 55 pounds since January. I'll probably check it again in June.
As of today, I am on day 51 of P90X (which is both very intense and very enjoyable). This will end a week before marathon training begins (mid-June). I plan to run the St. Judes Marathon in December. Then I will do another round of P90X to kick off 2012 and hope to run the OKC Memorial 1/2 Marathon almost exactly one year from today. Remember what I said about short term goals? A lot of short term goals strung together can make for a lifetime of healthy living.
So what have I learned through all of this? My sister, whom I adore, is about to celebrate 7 months of sobriety. She once told me (and I believe her because she lives it) that "setbacks are set-ups for comebacks". I've learned that for sure.
The other lesson I've learned is that most (if not all) of us are looking for excuses to not be the best we can be. If we can come up with a reason why we shouldn't be esteemable, we can feel more content with embracing mediocrity. Some excuses are valid (and, therefore, need to be worked around). Some excuses are noble (and, therefore, do not need to be looked down upon by anyone). But for most of us, any excuse will do (and, therefore, have to be named for what they are).
But I can't do that for you. Only you can name your excuse. Only you can overcome it. The key words, of course, are "you can overcome it."
You'll hear from me soon.
