April 24, 2010--203.4-206.6

Well, I did it! Back on Sunday, April 11, I ran the Big D (and I DO mean Dallas) Marathon. All it took was a little over 5 hours, a slight conversion experience along the road, and at least two pints of nipple blood.

A little background (that I've probably shared with you before). When I first started Weight Watchers--back in December of 2008--I weighed in at just under 400 pounds. I was, as they say in the medical profession, "very, VERY fat". Weight Watchers is the best of the best as far as weight loss plans go in many ways but among the top is the fact that it is possible for a very large person to lose significant amounts of weight simply by following the eating plan. That being said, once you taste a bit of what Weight Watchers has to offer, it is impossible for the serious member to ignore all other aspects of the lifestyle--a key component of which is "moving more".

After losing quite a bit of weight, I decided that it was time to do just that. At the time Jacqui and I were babysitting a treadmill for some good friends. It was time to dust that bad boy off, ignore it's 275 pound weight limit, and give it a try. At a zero incline, I commenced to walk for 2 minutes at a 2.5 mph pace. I did not set out to walk for 2 minutes--my goal was to walk for 30--but it was near the two minute mark when it felt that I had shattered both knee caps, collapsed a lung, and began having palpitations. I honestly thought I was dying and was so out of breath after such a short workout that I couldn't even call Jacqui into the room for help.

That was a little more than a year ago. Three weeks ago, I ran a friggin' marathon!

The takeaway? Decide that you want to do something extraordinary, start where you are, push yourself a little further each and every day, and achieve that goal. After all, the only thing between you and that goal is you--you settling for the ordinary...you occaisionally getting motivated to change your life but growing discouraged and giving up the moment that you realize that you're not already where you were hoping to be the instant that you decided that you wanted to change your life...you refusing to push yourself because the familiar is WAY more comfortable (but is it really?!!??!?).

Go ahead and scroll back to the top of this post--that guy...the one in the first picture...should not have been crossing a marathon finishing line in April 2010. That guy should have been dead by now or, at the very least, in a wheel chair/stroke rehab center.

Oftentimes, people will say to me, "I wish I had your motivation." In my pride I could gloat over such comments. But I can't...I can't because I have a memory. And that memory reminds me that at one point I was the least motivated creature on the planet. One does not balloon up to 393.2 pounds as a result of being motivated...the only way to get there is down the path of directionless self-loathing. In other words, if anyone lacked motivation, it was me...

If you're one who covets my motivation, you'll never reach your goals. You will, however, be better off tomorrow than you are today if you'll do the long hard work of reaching down deep inside yourself, finding whatever spark of your own motivation that remains, and fan it into flame one moment...one action...one decision at a time.

March 22, 2010--204.2--203.4

I know, I know--I go two months without posting a thing and then I throw up two new blogs in a week. Forgive me.

I have two reasons for posting so soon. First of all, Jacqui took a current picture of me yesterday afternoon. I wanted to post it. I'm also posting because I forgot to post a win from last month in my most recent blog.

Last month I went for my regularly scheduled check-up at the doctor's office. He has decided that I should stop taking the blood pressure medicine I've been on for several years. He was also excited to tell me that for the first time since we've been testing, all of my levels (good cholesterol, bad cholesterol, blood sugar, etc...) were all within "normal" ranges!!!! That's right, I'm a healthy feller!

There's more but I'll save it for next month. See you then.

March 17, 2010--211.6--204.6

Well it's about time! I haven't posted a new blog since January and that's simply not acceptable! There is just so much to report. The last two months have been filled with achieving goals, struggling with old demons, and embracing new opportunities.

Let's start with the goals achieved.

I celebrated my 29th birthday early by participating in the Cowtown Half-Marathon in Fort Worth, Texas on Saturday, February 27. I've run a half-marathon several times on my own--just me and the South Highland streets while the rest of Shreveport sleeps--but this was different. 25,000 people descended upon downtown Fort Worth to run (everything from a 1/2 mile fun run to an Ultra-Marathon). It was electric! To be a part of such a large gathering for such a positive purpose is indescribable! I fell in line with the 2-1/2 hour pace group but actually finished in 2 hours, 9 minutes, and 43 seconds--shattering my expectations for myself!

Because of that great experience, I've decided to push the envelope a bit and train for a full marathon being held in Dallas on April 11. As a result, I have set two new personal distance records in the past two weeks--running 16 miles on Sunday, March 7th and 18 miles just one week later. I will attempt 20 miles this coming weekend after which I will taper off for a few weeks in anticipation of the 26.2 that looms a mere 24 days from today.

As you can see from the title of this posting, I have also managed to lose another 7 pounds over the past 2 months. This brings me within 4.8 pounds of "onederland" and has also meant the difference between 32" jeans and the 30" pair that I need (but have yet to buy).

It has indeed been a good couple of months.

But it has not been without struggle. Sometime within the next week or so, I will be entering a Weight Watchers contest in which they are seeking positive role models. The winner of this contest will be brought to New York for a week, given $500 to wander around the city with, and land on the cover of Weight Watchers magazine. All that is required to enter is a 400 word essay explaining how I've been a positive role model for others along my journey.

As I was reading over this blog in search of inspiration for that essay it occured to me that I have not been a good role model in at least one regard--I've shared all of my glory with you but none of my defeats. A truly good role model exhibits both. A good role model not only gives inspiration that leads to victory but also a context for dealing with defeat. Over the last 15 months I have experienced tremendous amounts of victory. Over the past 2 months I have wallowed in defeat.

That defeat has come in the form of binge eating. It has happened on several occasions (to be honest, I've lost count as to how many times it has occured). It has most often happened at the end of a busy day and usually when Jacqui is not home. I'm tired, I'm alone and I eat...A LOT.

Some reading this will wonder what the big deal is--after all, I've still lost weight these past two months! Why worry about over-eating if the number on the scale continues to go down!??!?!?

That is not the issue. The title of this blog is "No Longer That Guy". "That Guy"--the one that I no longer want to be--had a very unhealthy relationship to food. That's putting it nicely. To be honest, "that guy"...THIS guy...was/is an addict. In my pride I had forgotten that reality and as a result, I fell.

I have to admit my problem. For 13 months I have been reversing 27 years of living to eat by learning to eat to live. For the past 2 months (at least on several occasions during the past two months) I have been reversing that progress in an attempt to use food to accomplish things that food was never intended to accomplish--comfort, stress relief, a cure for boredom, etc...

Excuses have abounded--"I'm too busy to shop for the right foods"..."I'm too busy to prepare the right foods"..."it's time to celebrate my accomplishments"..."everyone else gets to eat whatever they want"...

I have even gone as far as blaming others to a certain degree, even if just passively (i.e. not wanting to put others out by demanding we go out to eat at a place that is more Weight Watchers friendly). But I am the only one who controls me--no one and no thing else will have to answer for the decisions I make in any given situation. So the excuses stop here.

To be strong is to know how I am weak. Having named my weakness in such a public forum, I am confident that I will not continue to wrestle with the same demons for long. Once exposed, these things that seem so powerful in the dark tend to whimper away in the light. I will be successful. I will excel.

I have to because of the new opportunities at hand. Most of you know but for those who do not, I'm going to be a daddy in just 4 short months! He's not even here yet and my heart is overflowing with love and excitement for our baby boy. If I don't take care of me, I will be shortchanging Logan. In the past, this would have been perfectly acceptable to me. But that was the old me, I'm no longer that guy.

January 13, 2010. 211.2--211.6

I've been a weight watcher for nearly 29 years. It's just that for 28 of those years I was watching my weight go up and up and up and up and up! For the last 13 months, I have been a Weight Watcher--meaning that I've been watching it go down and down and down and down and down! I am 181.6 pounds lighter since December 13, 2008.

My .4 lbs gain this month notwithstanding, I did manage to slay the holiday beast! Back in early November, I read that the average American will gain 6 lbs between Thanksgiving and January 1st. It appears that I actually lost 6 lbs from the Saturday before Turkey Day to January 1. Is that the equivalent of being 12 lbs ahead of the game?????? Hmmm....

On Christmas Day I decided to not count points--to simply eat whatever I wanted in whatever quantities I wanted. I ate like a king...a large king...a really really FAT king. I DO NOT recommend this for anyone beginning the Weight Watchers journey. It takes time to embrace this as a lifestyle and until you reach that point, it is all too easy to forget that your primary problem with food is that you're addicted to it--jumping off of the wagon before you're mentally prepared to do so responsibly is way too dangerous to attempt. It took me over a year before I felt I could handle it...and handle it I did!

The most notable result from this "day off" came when my father-in-law asked me if I was overwhelmed with guilt for eating what I was eating. For a moment I felt like I should feel guilty. But just as quickly I realized that I didn't--not one bit. If I were on a diet, guilt would have been the only emotion available in that situation. But I have not merely changed what I eat for a short period of time. I have changed my life forever.

For the first time in my life, I realized that I was choosing to eat rather than being compelled to eat. I was in control of me and I could have never said that a year ago. Once again, thank you Weight Watchers!!!

In other news, I have received numerous reports of people deciding to turn their lives around because of the inspiration they've received from reading this blog. That is the only reason I do it! From the beginning, one of my goals has been to help others along this journey as well. It does my heart good to know that friends near and far are benefiting from this small window into my life.

If you're one of these people, I hope to see "less" of you soon!